An Open Letter to Ryan

by Erica Papillion-Posey

It was Wednesday, the evening of January 20, 2010. I sat and prepared to get some homework done which I usually do with the assistance of the television – I know but somehow it eases the mental anguish of those insane ‘homework nights.’ I surfed the channels to find a suitable distraction before settling in when I happened upon the PBS rebroadcast of The Audition, the Metropolitan Opera’s annual National Council auditions. Would you know it? I saw you there, on the screen, and at that moment, I knew you needed me. Though I was thousands of miles away and we never met before, I knew you needed me because I needed you- to excel, to be one of the WINNERS!  Our hue, our history is the clue.

But why would I have such lofty expectations of you? The unmitigated gall of me…. What makes me qualified to speak on your behalf? Oh I think you know. It was there, that expression. Yes, that one. The one we all know, “What was I thinking, I don’t belong here, alone again, no one here looks like me” and so on and so on…. Needless to say, there have always been too few of us, the exception, never the rule, in these and many other matters. Seeing you there made me sit up, take notice. So – homework aside, you had my undivided attention and support. I was there for you. I took a brief minute to read your history, some of your trials and tribulations and thought, “Wow if you could do it maybe I still can too.” I was drawn in, looking at you, wishing me.

As the audition/ competition progressed to the finale (literally minutes remaining) I, in anticipation, biting my bottom lip with angst, allowed my thoughts to relax briefly. Then it came to me…. OMG, wouldn’t it be fabulous to feature you in Operagasm’s February focus on African-Americans in the classical arts! –Thank God, a commercial break! – I immediately flipped open my computer and commenced to tracking you down. Directly to the Met website I went. Man was I excited! I couldn’t get there fast enough. This was going to be great! I formulated the caption in my head as my fingers whisked through the key strokes: “Ryan Smith – the Man, the Music, the Met.” Whew, I arrive at the Met web page, find the information (commercial break over), skim the page and the first heading that catches my eye reads: Obituaries! Wait something must be wrong. I go back, check again, multiple entries this time including Lyric Opera of Chicago, your operatic home. I gaze up at the television. This can’t be true. They have just announced you one of the six winners! Back to the computer screen: American tenor Ryan Smith, (December 15, 1976 – November 12, 2008), a first-year ensemble member of Lyric Opera of Chicago’s Patrick G. and Shirley W. Ryan Opera Center, died early Wednesday morning at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, of lymphoma. He was 31…. And just like that- in the span of an hour and twenty-five minutes I found you and lost you.

A new hope extinguished. Not at all.… Hope renewed. Hope for those of us who sometimes doubt our talents and want to give up. Though this message is universal it resonates particularly deep in my spirit. This world has to be a better place that you were in it if only for my renewal.

And no, I didn’t know you but I cheered for you. No, I didn’t know you but I miss you. And that I look like you, I understood you, because your ‘Black’ history is my ‘Black’ history too.

In Memory

Of

Ryan Smith, tenor

“Ryan Smith, as Rucker’s hapless son-in-law, sang with a clear tone and good projection — a young talent to watch,” wrote Pierre Ruhe in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution last February of the tenor’s Atlanta Opera portrayal of Camplliams/Cold Sassy Tree (Floyd).

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Erica Papillion-Posey is one of the founders and directors of Operagasm.com. You can learn more about Erica under the ‘About Us’ tab at the top of the page. Her articles are featured on Operagasm.com every other Wednesday. Erica welcomes you to comment on her articles or email her privately at erica@operagasm.com.