What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

Hahahahhahahahahahaaaaaaaa. I guess it just feels good to know that sopranos aren’t the MOST made fun of category of musicians ever. Whew. Drummers, get a life. :p (Joke brought to you by The Joke Collection)

Ahhhh…tech week. Whatever scary term you use to describe it (Nodes Week, Purgatory) this time in the life of a production is a necessary step to making the piece run like clockwork. Do you know whose job really sucks during tech week? It’s arguable, but most would say the stage manager.

There they were, minding their own business, learning the show, making sure our breaks were timely, setting up the stage all pretty for us, sweeping, mopping – BOOM – over. Even though you may never stage manage in your life, you should probably kind of know what’s going on with them. Upgrade your overall knowledge of what’s happening around you in the theater by visiting Arizona Opera’s opera terminology guide.

Stage Manager – runs the visual elements of a show during the performance. They are responsible for calling all of the cues for the performance to the crew. This means that they must follow hundreds of detailed notes in the score and tell the crew when to change lighting, scenery, sound effects, and raise or lower the curtain. The Stage Manager is the one who tells the Conductor when it is time to start the performance, and lets all participants know when intermissions begin and end. (Definition provided by Arizona Opera)

A fine example of a good colleague.

by Melissa Wimbish

In our final week of upgrading, can we just review some of the basic rules of being a good colleague? That’s my Question of the Week. Oh, and this is going to be the feature today because it’s important.

Let me get on this soap box right quick with a little Top Eleven and a question: Why are people assholes? I’m a fan of Ayn Rand’s books, so I feel like I get this whole “being selfish is okay depending on how you define selfish” thing, but some “things” are just getting a little psycho-dumb. For those that are not familiar with Rand’s concept of “good” selfishness, it’s basically just her way of saying that there’s nothing wrong with being proud of your accomplishments and trying to succeed and that people shouldn’t be manipulated by their society to be so charitable especially if it’s at the expense of their individual success. Now, keep in mind, these books are like thousands of pages long, so if you’re some Ayn Rand genius person scholar, don’t go hating on my synopsis. I blog.

Anyway, I certainly don’t understand how not even considering consideration is becoming more of the norm in our artistic professions! Save it for the airplane and the annoying instances on the sidewalk. May I just answer my own Question of the Week with some of my basic rules of being a good colleague? I may? Thanks.

Number one: Don’t be an asshole.

Number two: Do say “hello” and introduce yourself to your colleagues without being a total snob.

Number three: Smile occasionally.

Number four: If you’re always musically unprepared, just quit and do something else. (Everyone learns differently, so I’m not suggesting that if you don’t learn music fast you should quit. Just suggesting that if you just flat out don’t do your work, then you probably suck and should find something you don’t suck at. If you suck at everything, go into politics. That’s probably the safest place for you.)

Number five: Do not give feedback about someone’s vocal technique unless you are ASKED which will probably never ever happen. Are you serious right now? No, are you seriously talking right now?

Number six: Focus at rehearsal. Camaraderie is awesome and throwing down the occasional laughable comment is fun, but for real, sometimes I wonder if people are coming to rehearsal to get better at performing, or to see how many witty things they can say in hopes that they’ll be remembered and thought of as the “cute” and “fun” one. STFup! You are annoying.

Number seven: Collaborate!!!! Don’t play dumb. It’s not cute. Stop talking in that stupid, high-pitched voice like you don’t know anything. If you like that high-pitched voice, go work for Maxim or hand out Red Bull samples on the street or something.

Number eight: Do not send emails to other people about stuff they did that pissed you off. If you can’t find a way to bring it up in person, then try having the conversation with yourself in front of the mirror and see what you come up with. If you want to punch yourself in the face, do… and then probably don’t say whatever you just said to the mirror in real life. If by the end of this session with the mirror, you haven’t worked something out, then it’s probably not that important and you should drop it. Email trains are nastier than real-live ones. It’s a very dangerous way of communicating. So is blogging? :/ NO, it’s not.

Number nine: Don’t knowingly flirt with the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner/WHATEVER!!!! of anyone — but especially not people you’re working with. And don’t give me that, “I wasn’t flirting, we just really had a lot in common!” No, you didn’t. You are just so desperate to be liked that rather than take a risk and be personable or awesome with your actual colleague(s), you’d prefer to try hitting it off with their significant other because you think maybe if you can get that person to like you, it will inspire some sort of attention from the real target. Take the normally blank space that makes up your brain matter and fill it with the image of a firm hand slapping you in the face every time this seems like a good idea.

Number ten: Share candy.

Number eleven: Try to anticipate other people’s needs sometimes. Just try? Remember, Bubba said, “You can sit here if you want” before Forrest had to ask and you know what he got? Saved from getting blown up. Instead he died peacefully on a beach in the arms of his best friend because he ANTICIPATED. (Yeah, Jenny did, too, but she was really kind of a bitch for the rest of the movie, so Bubba gets props.)

I realize that this list is probably the result of only getting three hours of sleep and not yet having eaten my Chipotle burrito today. Yes, this post was inspired by real life events that have happened to me and probably you. I hope we can all be nice and considerate from now on so that outbursts like this can be prevented and I can go back to being know as the “cute” and “fun” one. Barf.

Do you need to upgrade your acting skills? Do you wish you had an expert acting coach to help you get in touch with the operatic characters you portray?  Look no further, in this YouTube clip featuring Sir Ian McKellen, he reveals the insights on his craft.  Watch and learn….

Please share your thoughts on the following Question of the Week by leaving your comments below:

What is one of the most important qualities of a good colleague?

If you’d like to read more about my thoughts, check out today’s feature. (Only if you’re in the mood for slight bitchiness.)

THIS IS IT! Michael Jackson was brilliant. The end.

Upgrade your outlook on the art of performance by watching a phenomenal documentary/rockumentary that follows the superstar and his supporting performance team during the making of a masterpiece-mega-almost show: This Is It.

The first time I heard of the film, I remember a colleague explaining it’s awesomeness through a series of crazy MJ dance moves and voice imitations (that you would expect from a singer’s recount of anything), all with a facial expression of pure insanity and joy. Now, I’m that crazed fan — and you have GOT to see this! Truly magical like Disney World even though I’ve never been.

Get some popcorn, tissue, organize your living room in a way that allows for spontaneous moon-walking, and invite over a great friend that doesn’t mind you smacking the side of their arm while you scream “OMG! OMG! OMG!” during all of the sickly amazing choreography segments. Then, enjoy the King of Pop’s bittersweet outro: This Is It.

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Are you tired of entering classical singing competitions and not winning or having any fun? So are we! That’s why we’re launching our own WAY cooler contest where you can let loose, be yourself, be funny, act silly, educate in a fun way, and win a chance at Operagasm fame!

All you have to do is make a video summarizing in your own words any opera plot of your choice — although we recommend not choosing the most obscure opera in the universe. Feel free to use animation, choreography, music, costumes, animals (as long as they are not harmed!) and whatever else it takes to bring your masterpiece to life.

If you need an example, don’t forget to check out our very first Hot Opera Plot, which aired this past summer thanks to the talents of Christine Killian and Georges Bizet:

Please email all submissions to melissa@operagasm.com by the **deadline of 12:00 midnight Eastern Standard Time on February 29th**. Your video must be in .m4v  format (or at least something I can open on my Mac), no more than 10 minutes in length, and must not include any genitals — real or fake. Also, swearing is okay, but no excessive “S-words”, no “F-words”,  and DEFINITELY no “C-words”. I personally enjoy swearing, but we have to keep it clean for the kids. We don’t want moms banning Operagasm from their children’s bookmarks! Think of future audiences, K?

At least four winners will be selected and will have their Hot Opera Plot featured on Operagasm! Winners will also receive slammin’ Operagasm gear and other classical music gems.

We can’t wait to see your craftiness! Happy plotting!

I love to arrive early to the opera.  For one, I want to sit down and see what everyone else is wearing…. the gowns, the sequins, THE SHOES!  Once that is done, I delve into the program!  I want to read the ‘who’s who, all of the singers’ bios, and the miniature reproductions of their glossy 8 X 10′s (which I usually go back to during intermission and estimate how many years ago that photo was taken), the director’s notes, the conductor’s notes!  It is one of the best parts of going to the opera!  So let Operagasm get you ready with the down low on new and exciting upcoming productions.

The Operagasmic Production of the Week is Houston Grand Opera’s production of Rape of Lucretia!

Benjamin Britten: THE RAPE OF LUCRETIA – New Production
Feb. 3, 7:30 p.m. | Feb. 5, 2 p.m. | Feb. 7, 7:30 p.m. | Feb. 9, 7:30 p.m. | Feb. 11, 7:30 p.m.

Cast and Creative Team

Michelle DeYoung
Lucretia

Anthony Dean Griffey
Male Chorus

Leah Crocetto*
Female Chorus

Jacques Imbrailo*
Tarquinius

Ryan McKinny***
Collatinus

Joshua Hopkins***
Junius

Judith Forst
Bianca

Lauren Snouffer**
Lucia

Rory Macdonald*
Conductor

Arin Arbus*
Director

Jean-Guy Lecat*
Set Designer

Anita Yavich
Costume Designer

Michael James Clark
Lighting Designer

Brian Byrnes
Fight Director

Houston Grand Opera Orchestra

* HGO debut
** HGO Studio Artist
*** Former HGO Studio Artist

Britten’s first chamber opera, for eight solo singers and an instrumental ensemble of 13 players, was written to a Glyndebourne commission soon after Peter Grimes, at a time when the composer was particularly conscious of the problems that could arise when working with an established opera company. (The potential and practicality of the chamber medium encouraged Britten to become involved in the foundation of the English Opera Group in 1946.) The Rape of Lucretia is rare among Britten’s operas in giving the central role to a female singer; the cast for the première, conducted by Ernest Ansermet, included Kathleen Ferrier as Lucretia (recordings of excerpts with this cast were issued). Perhaps because of the stylized form and at times rather strained poeticisms of the text, the work has not enjoyed the relatively widespread success and frequent production of most of Britten’s operas, but it was successfully revived at Aldeburgh in 1966 with Janet Baker – a recording followed in 1971 – and there was a well-regarded production by the ENO (1983). – New Grove Dictionary of Opera.

For your viewing pleasure until we are back with fresh content on Monday morning, I present baritone, Jesse Blumberg.

You’re welcome!